Quotes from Lynne Jacobs’ paper
“Pathways to a Relational Worldview”
Whatever differences there may be among the contemporary theorists, there are some common threads that comprise basic tenets of a contemporary perspective, and these tenets represent a fundamental, humanistic, epistemological paradigm shift. The tenets are: an emphasis on the whole person (and sense of self), rather than on mechanisms such as Id, Ego, and Superego; an emphasis on subjectivity and affect; an appreciation of the impact of life events (e.g. childhood sex abuse) on personality development; a belief that infants are born with a basic motivation and capacity for personal interaction, attachment and satisfaction; a belief that there is no “self” without an “other,” and a belief that the structure and contents of the mind are shaped by interactions with others, rather than by instinctual urges.
Through his (Stolorow’s) writings I began to grasp the meanings of Kohut’s selfobject transferences. My work was profoundly altered by this. Instead of listening to patients from the perspective of, “what is this patient trying to do to me (that is, what defenses, manipulations or avoidances is the patient engaged in)?” I began to listen from the perspective of, “what does the patient need from me in order to heal and grow (that is, what developmental striving is being expressed)?”
Kohut emphasized listening systematically, and for sustained lengths of time, from such a perspective (the patient’s perspective as they want you to know it). And he emphasized listening especially for how the therapist’s interventions were affecting the patient. He argued that when a patient was thrown off, angered, or in some way not receptive to the analyst’s intervention, it did not mean the patient was resistant to facing the truth. Rather, it meant the analyst had lost touch with the patient’s perspective, and had therefore disrupted the needed selfobject tie to the analyst. Listening empathically seemed to encourage the development of a selfobject tie, and the establishment, elaboration, and development of sophisticated selfobject relatedness seemed to be curative for the patient.
That story lingers with me as a powerful reminder of the importance of listening from the patient’s point of view. She let me know graphically that I was failing her in that regard, and that she could listen to my point of view only later, much later, after her pain had subsided and after she had repeated experiences of having her perspective affirmed as legitimate.
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Poems from the June 2009 FORP Graduation
TWO KINDS OF INTELLIGENCE
There are two kinds of intelligence: One acquired,
as a child in school memorizes facts and concepts
from books and from what the teacher says,
collecting information from the traditional sciences
as well as from the new sciences.
With such intelligence you rise in the world.
You get ranked ahead or behind others
in regard to your competence in retaining
information. You stroll with this intelligence
in and out of fields of knowledge, getting always more
marks on your preserving tablets.
There is another kind of tablet, one
already completed and preserved inside you.
A spring overflowing its springbox. A freshness
in the center of the chest. This other intelligence
does not turn yellow or stagnate. It’s fluid,
and it doesn’t move from outside to inside
through the conduits of plumbing-learning.
This second knowing is a fountainhead
from within you, moving out.
- Rumi, from Mathnawi Volume IV
Variation on a Theme by Rilke
A certain day became a presence to me;
there it was, confronting me - a sky, air, light:
a being. And before it started to descend
from the height of noon, it leaned over
and struck my shoulder as if with
the flat of a sword, granting me
honor and a task. The day’s blow
rang out, metallic - or it was I, a bell awakened,
and what I heard was my whole self
saying and singing what I knew: I can.
- Denise Levertov
In This Moment
Who am I when I am seen as I am?
I am…I am…and I…
Continue onward, upward, inward
Not letting spaces deter you
Not letting the absence of space
deter you
Even though you know that
there is no space that would not
nurture you
Hold you, cherish you, keep
you safe
With no fear, fly up high
and land on your feet
- The 2009 FORP Graduating Class
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On Turning Sixty
(what I want for my sixties) *
by Lesley Miles M.A. **
Bring on the whole
lovely mountain
with its wild kloofs and rushing rivers
and, below, sudden quiet egyptian geese
with red legs
who bend contemplatively
to the grass
Bring on supple spine and happy knees!
And the upside down mountain
between them
Let go!
Let go of stiffness and certainty
of indecision and uncertainty
Bring on the high art of tingly blue-sky
winter-clouds and early sun
Bring on sexy cappuccinos
and buttery croissants
and real chocolate on cakes
and birds which fly
out of my belly
Bring on a hot mama for the
lonely five-year-old still inside me
and her fierce protector who is
herself too small to know
what is truly good
protection, she just dances about
somewhat ineptly.
Let go of fear
let go of
punishment
punishment
pointing finger
punishment
Bring on the gorgeous mountain
shouting
which makes me come
to myself.
Bring on
the winter forest of red-hot pokers
straight up and down fiery aloe flowers
quick hellos from purple ericas
and the wild sharp scent of wild rosemary
crushed between my fingers
Bring on the fluting calls of bokmakeries
each on its own tall shrub
in the sweet morning cool
bring on wet feet from cold dew on grass
Bring on wild leaps in cold air
Let go of the damn convent
and nasty hooded nuns
walls now crumbling
grey cement ooze
and peeling paint
They tried their hardest to kill me
but did not quite succeed
with pointing fingers
and pursed mouths
and hatred for young girls
the young girls they once were
Bring on the dancing!
Bring on the dancing girls!
No, the dancing women!
Bring on the dancing
women
and men
me and you
Let go of
fearfulness
anxiety
terror
nervousness
minginess
smallness
nastiness
judgment
Bring on courage
warmth
love
sexuality
expectation
passion
red
hot mamas
and cool daddies
wild women don’t get the blues
cool daddies
hot mamas
you
and me
and all
of us!!
* (with thanks to the Barefoot Doctor, who suggests the Taoist exercise of bringing on and letting go, in his book Manifesto: The Internal Revolution: How to get What You Want Without Trying
** Lesley Miles has a Master of Arts in both Clinical Psychology, and English Literature. She is currently a student in the FORP grogram in South Africa